Machete
Director: Robert Rodriguez, Ethan Maniquis
With: Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Robert De Niro, Jeff Fahey, Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin
Back in 2007, Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez put together a tribute to the grindhouse/drive-in movies of the 70s. Raw, violent, full of foul language and naked women, these flicks entertained much of America, and inspired directors like Tarantino. It was titled Grindhouse, and was replete with scratched and grainy film, dropped reels (with apology slides in their place) and reels out of order. The Rodriguez film was fun and over the top (Rose McGowan with a machine gun as a prosthetic leg), and Tarantino’s was the same tedious stuff he has become known for: gaudy patter interspersed with car chases and violence.
The best part, though, was the previews for fictitious films coming soon to a grindhouse near you. One of them was Machete, and it became the reason to do this movie. I thank you.
Like the exploitation movies of the 70s, this has gory but cartoonish violence, a revenge plot, gratuitous nudity, and constant action. It is so much fun, but not for everyone. I agree that this caters to the worst instincts of fixated adolescents and no parent should let any kid anywhere near it. Did I say how much fun it is?
Trejo, with a face that makes Charles Bronson look like Tom Hanks, has played heavies for years. Here, he is Isidoro Cortez, an ex-federale from Mexico whose family was killed by Torrez, a drug baron (Seagal).
There is a major sub-plot with a Texas politician (De Niro), who is corrupt and beholden to a sleazy businessman, Booth (Fahey), who is in turn in bed with Torrez. A crusading border patrol agent, Santana (Alba) wants to put a stop to all the bad stuff, and tries to enlist Luz (Rodriguez), a taco-truck owner who is also the leader of an underground group protecting illegals.
Got that? Okay, the politics are simpatico, the acting over-ripe by actors who know better, there are cameos by actors like Lindsay Lohan, who does very well in a small role. But, the whole mess is geared toward one thing: the big showdown between the forces of good and the forces of evil. It is everything we would hope for, a kind of Mad Max in a Texas border town.
Again, don’t go to this movie on my say-so without understanding that it might drive you out of the theater. They don’t call Cortez “Machete” for nothing. It is his weapon of choice, and he beheads, disembowels, runs through and dismembers dozens of victims. The effects are gross and sickly funny. In one case Machete uses someone’s intestines as an escape rope to jump out a window. Like that.
So go and have fun. You may want to wait dinner until after the flick.
B