0502 am 'Get This' news

program date: 
Thu, 05/01/2008


Get This:  Mission Accomplished!  Indeed…The ILWU shut down the West Coast ports yesterday. 

Chris Andreae



  1. The Longshoremen and Warehouse workers union did it:  They shut down the shipping on the Left Coast.  It might have hurt Middle America more, if Middle America had any money to buy the stuff on the ships – or any gas to drive to the Grande Mal…
  2. Metasta-Size Me:  Now it’s Barack Obama’s turn to bring us the candy and flowers.  He’s going to do all the things that Hillary is only more and faster.  Okay, the LNG siting would be nice.  But “timber payments”?  C’mon…the timber is all gone, the money is almost gone…Isn’t it time rural Oregon figured out some other way to survive?  And as far as the salmon are concerned, a cancerous population burst has turned habitat over to agribusiness and power generation.  We’ve metastasized and we are killing our planetary host.  (Okay, ‘hostess’;  Be that way…)
  3. Week In The Knees:  Ron Wyden is set sell off public – I said public land  (As in yours and mine) in  Grant and Harney Counties and the entire West Coast salmon fishery is a disaster – no fish, y’know.  It’s all interconnected.  The seminal Chaostatician, Rupert Sheldrake told us:  “Sensitive dependence on initial conditions.”  But did we listen?    (And if you think tourism is going to save us from ourselves, think again…Nobody is going to pay to look at Dead Zones, dead fish, dead sea lions and stumps – not even with a beer in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other…)
  4. Smoke Em While You Got Em:  The Oregon Supreme Court ruled unanimously that smokers must show actual harm to make a negligence claim against cigarette manufacturers.  (Let’s try this out on automobile manufacturers:  People are killed every day from the horrendous pollution and maimings caused by cars.   Follow Me!  Let’s sue the bastards till their eyes bleed…)
  5. Salem – and virtually every city around the world – welcomed – or not, as the case may be – throngs of people yesterday demonstrating on behalf of immigrant rights.
  6. The Wild, Wild Wet:  If you’ve got the right paperwork – and the right attitude, I might add – you can carry a loaded, concealed gun while visiting beautiful Crater Lake.  That way the lake won’t be the only crater around:  You could, for example put another one in the tentfull of hippies in the campsite next door for playing Sugar Magnolia constantly all night.  Or perhaps offer up a simple wager, “Call it, Friend-o.”
  7. Wal-Merc:  Yes, Blackwater Worldwide, formerly Blackwater USA, formerly Blackwater,  the world’s biggest supplier of deadly mercenaries trained in all sort of “unconventional”  (And how!) warfare techniques is looking to establish a school in Northern Idaho.  For graduation, they can attack campers at Crater Lake…
  8. Regularity!  North Dakota and Washington are going to work with the EPA to regulate pesticides.  Okay, this could go either way, more or less.  Let’s though try to regulate our own pesticides at least until this vile administration has been sent packing.
  9. Oregon and Missouri have come up with a novel idea:  Let’s make it possible for released prisoners to reenter the Free World by sending them to all sorts of classes and support groups.  I’ve got a novel idea:  Why don’t we make it illegal to deny employment, housing, public assistance and medical care to released prisoners.  They’ve changed;  Isn’t it time society did?
  10. General Motors lost $3.3 billion in the first quarter, and the game isn’t over yet.  There’s still billions more to be lost out there.  (Looking for $3.3 billion dollars?  Forget looking under the sofa cushions;  you’d know it was there because your sofa would be in a low earth orbit.  Try going through the GM Board of Director’s financial statements after the annual bonuses come out…)
  11. Karl Rove is getting subpoenaed by the House Judiciary Committee.  Ha, Ha…Just kidding.  What appears to be a subpoena is actually another coat of Teflon…
  12. Did Anybody Call A ‘Plumber’?   In two states where US attorneys are already under fire for serious allegations of political prosecutions, seven people associated with three federal cases have experienced no less than ten – and counting – “suspicious”  incidents.  Breakins?  Check.  Arson?  And check.  (I’m guessing when they track down the Bush appointee responsible for the above, there with be no charges of “terrorism.”  Too bad they can’t be charged with “patriotism.”
  13. Missionary Position:  It’s the fifth birthday of “Mission Accomplished” and we’re still fucked.
  14. Iraq’s PM, Nouri al-Maliki (Bollocky Maliki, to his friends of which there are fewer by the hour…) is spending a restful weekend in Tehran with Ahmadinejad discussing how to tell the Iranian people that Israel has decided to “wipe the Persian people from the face of the earth.”
  15. That aircraft carrier of ours?  The one heading for the Persian Gulf?  It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that Stinger missile.  We are being asked to believe that it is just in the Gulf as a sort of demented display of Feng Shui designed to scare the Iranians…
  16. Condoleeza Rice scolded Arab states for not “doing enough for the Palestinians.”  Indeed.  How about us not doing so much for the Israelis.  That would help.
  17. And be careful not to ever, ever get detained by the Israelis if you happen to be Palestinian.  Torture, y’know…
  18. Lake Baikal, former home of 20 percent of the earth’s freshwater, is drying up.  (Don’t you worry:  There’ll be plenty more after we get finished with Greenland…)
  19. Fiji deported the Murdoch paper’s publisher.  Where can we get some of that Fiji back here in FOX-besotted America?
  20. And – Oiks! - in Britain, the Labour Party came in dead last in recent local elections.



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