0310 am 'Get This' news

program date: 
Sun, 03/09/2008


Get This: Bush invades Poland…

Chris Andreae



  1. In Space, No One Can Hear You Screen:  The TSA has rounded up a collection of regional airports and it is setting forth to teach airport screeners how to be especially “aware” of terrorists and to “randomly” screen passengers and other airport employees for “terroristic” behavior.  Look out Eugene and Bend!  They are Watching You…(I know I’ll sleep better knowing that rednecks aren’t plotting to drive F350s into buildings….)
  2. Site for Sore Eyes:  Pete DeFazio is on board with three other Oregon Democrats  and Dem Reps, Darlene Hooley, David Wu and Earl Blumenaur on the No LNG  train.  Looks like they are ready to stage the Big Intervention with the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission  (Trouble is, when the subject of the intervention is drunk on power and high on lobbyist snake oil, it’s hard to get it to sit still and listen.  The best we can hope for is to  keep FERC occupied with paperwork until The Grownups get home.)
  3. Ryegrass straw:  It could be our next biofuel energy high.
  4. SpOregon:  Sudden Oak Death spores weren’t much of a problem before the climate started heading South.  But it is now.  The State’s biggest industry – commercial agriculture is the latest Goliath to fall prey to tiny adversaries.  (The sudden Oak Death crazies apparently eluded TSA screeners in Bend and Eugene and are now poised to do more damage to Oregon’s landscape and economy that terrorists ever have (Or will).  Coming soon!  The Wars on Spores…
  5. University of Oregon guest speaker Barbara Simmons has this to say to Cascadia:  ‘If you think vote-by-mail is bad, try electronic voting.  And Simmons has all the facts in front of her.  Meet the new facts, same as the old facts:  An eight year-old child could hack into electronic voting machines.  (And apparently one of them did just that because he/she got one of his/her peers elected.)
  6. Four condors hatched at the Oregon Zoo are off to Boise Idaho in preparation for their eventual release (As long as they stay away from Bend and Eugene and try not to fly into buildings, they should be Okay…Dick Cheney will be in the Arab Emirates next week, so it looks like a ‘Go’ for the big birds…)
  7. Bush Invades Poland!  Those of you who still don’t believe that America has finally turned entirely fascist, take note:  Today, Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk is in the US to talk American missiles in Poland with Bush  (To protect us from what?  Shoulder-launched surface to air Stingers fired by eight year-old Afghani children?)  We get the missile sites and the Poles get more of what America makes best:  conventional weaponry (In case we attack them for revisiting our rocketry plans?).  Here’s where fascism enters the equation:  The biggest selling point for the Polish government and the American people was The Fear Factor.
  8. Douglas Feith is yet another one of Bush’s ex-cronies to write a Dirt Spill.   (At this rate, George is going to need to consider a ‘trophy-crony’ to see him through the weird Nixonian abattoir of his last days in office.  At least Reagan could blame the  Alzheimer’s…George has no excuse…)
  9. A Quaker math teacher who refused – on religious grounds –  to sign a “statement of loyalty” has been reinstated.   She was sacked for refusing to lay down her life for The Homeland…That’s exactly why America is in danger:  Math teachers refusing shoot or be shot by the meeming multitude of America’s enemies – real and imaginary.
  10. Hatfull of Rain: US District Judge Reggie Walton has been charging former USA Today reporter Toni Locy $5000 a day to punish her for merely lifting the lid and taking a peek inside the Black Ops Box.  Locy is currently being financially beaten like a red-headed stepchild for attempting to tell the nation that the whole anthrax thing was a hoax.  (Too bad all those Ames, Iowa Bad Bug documents got “extraordinarily rendered” to the landfill before whistleblower Steven Hatfill could clear up a few nagging questions regarding the provenance of said anthrax.
  11. The Democratic chairman and Republican former chairman of the Senate Armed Services committee want to know where the billions of dollars in Iraqi oil revenue wound up.  (Here’s a hint:  check out Halliburton’s new digs in Dubai…)
  12. No Countrywide For Old Men:  Countrywide is getting investigated by the Feds for securities fraud, insider trading, and conflicts of interests.  Management will – of course – skate.  (And a violin teacher in Tacoma is looking at five years for renting a car…)
  13. Did somebody say ‘Halliburton’?  Turns out that KBR was supplying soldiers in Iraq with contaminated water – water that caused them to suffer from a wide range of illnesses well beyond the usual roster of fevers, IEDs and irate sniper fire from the rooftops of houses where the women had recently been roughed up by the US military.
  14. The Southern Poverty Law Center says anti-Immigrant sentiment is on the rise spawning virulent strains of hate nationwide.
  15. After raining a holocaust of death, destruction and general deprivation down on the Gaza strip, after blowing civilians sideways out of their homes, after starving the people of food and fuel and tying off access to doctors…Now Israel smug, self-satisfied and arrogant – announces that it is building more settlers houses on Palestinian land in the West Bank.  (At this point, Palestinians are living in refugee camps for refugees from other camps destroyed by the Israelis.  When a few religious school student zealots get killed, that’s worthy of a UN Special Session:  When hundreds upon hundreds of Palestinian civilians, men women and children get splashed against stone and sky, that’s just Business as Usual in the eyes of the world.
  16. This is of course, the same world that loves a “female suicide bomber”. 
    There is something a bit sick and deranged about the conceptual voyeuristic gloating that attends the explosion of an angry Iraqi woman.  (Regarding suicide bombing in general:  This woman blew up a tribal leader who had thrown his lot in with the Americans.  D’you suppose that if the Americans left maybe the suicide bombers would be able to get on with their lives…?)
  17. Pakistan’s opposition parties are forming a coalition government (Probably to stop Condoleeza Rice from ever setting foot on Pakistani soil ever again.)
  18. Leftwing interests in France are Nobody’s Carla Bruni.
  19. Spain’s governing Socialists won a second term – even though the nation’s economy has hit the skids and the Basque separatists have hit the warpath.
  20. The Belly of the Tiger:  Tibetans are marching from Dharmasala in India to Tibet – a six-month hike - to protest Beijing’s stranglehold on their land – worse than a Countrywide mortgage…
  21. Flying Circus:  And British scientists – always in the vanguard of surveillance technology – have come up with a camera that can see through your clothes…(So be sure not to recruit terrorists with your fiiine body…)  




Copyright © 2012 KBOO Community Radio | Copyright Policy | Community Guidelines | Website Illustration & Design by: KMF ILLUSTRATION