01.29.08 am 'Get This' news

program date: 
Mon, 01/28/2008


Get This:  State of the Union – Or desperate cry for psychiatric help?


Chris Andreae



  1. Rather late in the game Marion County Judge Paul Lipscomb ruled that Oregon’s February session was a ‘Go.’  Taxpayers will be happy to know that they are paying the legal fees on behalf of Republican Senator Larry George of Sherwood.  Since Mr. George saw no pressing issues confronting the State, why not just sleep in until the next regular session comes around? 
  2. The floodgates are open.  Thousands of Oregonians called the Department of Human Services enrollment lines the moment they opened in the desperate hope of at least getting a shot at – not exactly medical care – rather, health insurance.  That’s like fighting one’s way up from one’s current Circle of Hell to the next level   (Wait, Or is that Scientology?) , driven by the belief that the view would be better.  In any case…  you can call in 7 am to 7 pm Monday through Friday to get your name in the hopper.  (The scientologists will be happy to serve you 24 hours a day, on the other hand…)
  3. Jail Bait:  It’s curtains for co-ed corrections at Oregon’s Youth Authority.  (But it must have been fun while it lasted…)
  4. Nineteen senators, mostly representing constituents in border states – want the Department of Homeland Security to delay – not rethink; not abandon; not have a laugh and a group hug over –  merely delay the ridiculous plan to require passports at Customs and Immigration.  (Right:  The “evil-doers” are just going to drive up to the little kiosk with “nothing to declare”?)  (‘Delay’ is actually code for shitcan the whole idea until the grown-ups come back.)
  5. New license laws have got everyone’s knickers in a bunch.  But, wait…I thought driving cars was a Bad Thing and that we are all supposed to ride bikes or take public transit unless we happen to be hauling massive freight containers…? (If this is really about “safety on the roads”, then make the drivers test much harder for everyone across the board.  That way at least the license would mean something…)
  6. ‘If You Got Lemons…’:The ice cap on frigid Baffin Island in the Canadian Arctic is half its former self and melting fast.  (Now that even a moron like George Bush grudgingly admits the climate’s gone haywire and we are responsible, the general consensus is that ‘Well, it would hurt too much to fix this, so let’s see how we can exploit it instead…’)
  7. The ACLU is suing to block the March 4th presidential primary in Ohio’s largest county.  Here’s the rub:  Okay, so this particular county gave the people what they wanted, paper ballots.   Trouble is the system doesn’t allow voters to make corrections or changes.  (And here I thought this whole election year was supposed to be about “change”…)
  8. ‘Praise The Lord and Pass The Ammunition’ Dept: The Kennedy Dynasty has passed the mantle to Barack Obama.  (Like the Oscars, but with writers!)
  9. Bush wants $150 billion dollars to “save the economy.”  (Don’t look at us.  Ask the Chinese…Their holding the purse strings now)
  10. Last night’s Snake of the Union featured a transparently, mendacious, duplicitous attempt on the part of George Bush to repair the damage he did to his “legacy” by presiding over the destruction of New Orleans.  Here’s how:  Bush announced in his characteristic self-important manner, that this year’s North American Summit of Canada, Mexico and the US would be held in The Big Easy.  A slap in the face to the thousands whose homes were destroyed, the staggering Diaspora in the wake of the storm, the deaths, the illness, the inhuman suffering, At least Bush didn’t jump up and down on the lectern and tell New Orleans how much he loves it – so we know he’s not a scientologist – yet…)
  11. Florida’s Cuban’s are having second thoughts about voting Republican.
  12. Lean to the Left!  Lean to the Right1, Stand Up Sit Down, Fight, Fight, Fight!  Democratic lawmakers say they are going to stand up to Bush on the warrantless wiretap bill.   On the other hand, they seem to be Okay with HR 1955, the ‘violent radicalization and homegrown terrorism’ law…)
  13. Bush signed a “defense” bill.  He rejected an earlier version of the same bill last year because of a provision that would have guaranteed victims of state-sponsored abuse can sue foreign governments in court and collect judgments by seizing assets inside the United States.  (Don’t you worry your pretty little head, America:  You don’t have any assets worth seizing…)
  14. The World Social Forum parties on.  All across the earth, all week long.  Today’s topic?  Diversity.
  15. Choate prep school – the fattening pen for the Ivy League – dropped Karl Rove as its commencement speaker.  (The students are all for inviting Stephen Colbert to take his place.)
  16. In Pakistan a missile destroyed a suspected militant hideout.  (The militants or the hideout were “suspect”?)  Also what about the 12 people inside who were killed?  While we ponder that, hundreds of Pakistani students take to the streets protesting the US military presence in their country. 
  17. And an American diplomat in Pakistan committed suicide – apparently -…Although that assumption may be in question:  The man was on his way home…
  18. Palestinian Presidential thug, Mahmoud Abbas has the backing of Europe and a number of pro-Western Arab states.  (Right:  In much the same way that Arab States and Israel have consistently funded Islamist fundamentalist groups because that way they avoid the nasty trench warfare.)
  19. Kenya’s paroxysm of bloodshed isn’t really about the contested and doubtless, very corrupt election.  It tribal warfare.  Kibaki belongs to the Kikuyu and Odinga is a Luo.  Thix is shaping up to be another Rwanda and it’s happening so fast, Americans can barely find Kenya on a map and they definitely can’t pronounce ‘Nairobi.’
  20. Serbia gets a trade and travel pact in return for electing a pro-western democrat at this weekend’s election.  (Hey!  We have an election coming up…Maybe we can get a trade and travel deal with Canada in return for electing a pro-Democrat?)
  21. Police in India broke up a hot kidney crime ring.
  22. And in China the worst blizzard in fifty years has so far claimed at least 24 lives.



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