01.25.08 am 'Get This' news

program date: 
Thu, 01/24/2008


Get This:  It’s official!  Iraq is a year away from becoming the 52nd state!  (Israel is the 51st y’know…)

Chris Andreae



  1. “Membership has its privileges” Dept.:   The attorney for the al-Haramain charity has asked a federal judge to do something about the Bush administration intercepting communications between himself and his client.  It’s called “attorney client privilege”, George,  not the same as “executive privilege” but nonetheless, protected under the rule of law…(Something else you might want to look up…)
  2. C’est Kulonkesque!  How very like the Guv to sign us up for the bogus “cap and trade” scheme.  (Hey Ted!  How ‘bout a game of Three-Card Monte?)
  3. Oregon’s Next Worst Idea:   Companies get a tremendous tax break for doing renewable energy business.  And the State is experiencing a sort of ‘Green Rush’.   But maybe we’re rushing without thinking – again.  What this actually means is no taxes, which means no money for schools, roads, healthcare, parks, conservation, those sorts of “percs.”  That’s Okay:  All the renewable bandwagoneers will leave when their kids are cretins who can’t even get into community college and the landscape has been paved over with Astroturf…So long, Suckahs!
  4. The Fish and Wildlife Service refuses to protect two rare species of salamander (“Otherwise we’re have to call it the Fish, Wildlife and Two Rare Species of Salamander Service, and that would mean we’d have to get all new stationery printed up….)
  5. Hurray For The Wilderness!  A female grey wolf has wandered into  Oregon from Idaho.  We know this because the wolf’s name is B-300.  We know this because she is wearing a radio collar. We know this because we can’t fucking leave wild animals alone to live their lives peacefully out in the woods.
  6. Loopholes So Big You Could Drive A Truck Through It:  Yesterday marked the tenth anniversary of the ‘Roadless Rule’.  This of course is the moratorium on road building in National Forests.  Good for the wilderness, good for wildlife, good for the watersheds and good for B-300.  It would be “sad but truly” ironic if Oregon’s only grey wolf got hit by a car on her way back to Idaho.
  7. The Oregon Land Use Board of Appeals (Whose motto in most cases is ‘If you’ve got the land, use it!’)  refused to let a developer in Coos County slap down an enormous RV community right next to the Bandon Marsh National Wildlife Refuge.  (The motto could have been ‘A Bandon Hope All Ye Who Enter…’)
  8. The main opponents of a Portland fee to raise money for street maintenance dropped plans to refer the fee to voters after reaching a deal that lowers the rate for convenience stores and gives gas stations a break.  This, if the State raises the gas tax.  (‘No, I think the deck chairs look better like this…’)
  9. Oregon celebrates “Equality Sabbath” this weekend.  (Atheists like myself will be celebrating “Fosters and Horse Shit Sabbath”, as is my custom.)
  10. For months now Dennis Kucinich has been running for Democratic presidential candidate.  And for months now, the media has virtually ignored him.   Now that Kucinich has announced he’s dropping out of the melee, he’s front page news.  (Does this development mean that now they’ll let him participate in the “debates”?)
  11. What Ev’ Diplomacy:  The Bush administration - in the form of Def Sec,  Robert Gates  - says that the US  would be only too happy to attack Pakistan:  “Sure!    No problem…”
  12. The Mysterious East:  Bush and Nouri al-Maliki have agreed that the US is going to be in Iraq – especially the oily bits – for the Long Haul.  Problem:  Bush is not supposed to be getting the plan rubber-stamped by Maliki – that’s Congress’s job.
  13.  License To Kill:  Two major issues – at least two – here:  Part of the agreement signs over Iraq’s oil profits to foreign multinationals.  And two:  American contractors, under the “contract”, will be beholden neither to US nor Iraqi laws while they are “in-country”.  And thirdly, if this deal goes through – and what’s to stop it? – it will be the most remarkable “status-of-forces agreement” ever transacted by any nation (Unless you count the annexation of Poland, which was a no-no by any standards…) 
  14. FBI tipster, Clarence Prevost got a five million dollar “Rewards for Justice” prize.  Two other flight school teachers who tipped off the Feds that a few of their students didn’t seem to have any interest in actually flying a plane, they got a handshake and a thank-you plaque.  Where’s the  “justice” in that?
  15. FBI agent George Piro says that Saddam Hussein was just ‘fronting’, you know, pretending he had weapons of mass destruction.  (Hey, Thanks!  Now you tell us…Wait…Piro did tell us.  We just were distracted by the drums of War.)
  16. A federal judge says that CIA interrogation videotapes “may” have been relevant to his court case.  The Bush administration has got three weeks to explain why they were destroyed and, Oh yes, BTW, what else was burned?  (The tapes have probably been floating around on YouTube since 2005 along with Britney Spear’s Finest Moments.)
  17. It may be legal to smoke medical weed in California but you can still get fired for doing so as long as the State is still part of the Union.  (We can fix that, Cascadia…)
  18. A Louisiana teenager has been indicted on federal hate-crime and conspiracy charges after driving past a crowd of civil rights protestors with a couple of nooses hanging from the back of his pick-up.  (Let this redneck out on bail.  He’ll probably get drunk and accidentally shoot himself, saving taxpayers thousands of dollars in fruitless litigation…)
  19. In Beirut, things are boiling over all over again.  A car bomb killed a top Lebanese police intelligence official, taking three other people with him. 
  20. The Party’s Over:  Egyptian border guards are gradually trying to seal off the Rafah Crossing again.  (Well, it was fun while it lasted…)  Whoa!  Just a moment;  Here’s a “just in” for you:  Another hole has formed in the border wall.  Let’s party!
  21. Romano Prodi’s out.  (Careful not to slip in the drool running down Silvio Berlusconi’s chin…)
  22. In Kenya the massacres and rioting continue.  The African Union Summit starts next week, which may help- if anyone’s still standing by then…)
  23. South Africa has an electricity emergency.
  24. And the whole world is about to have a ‘water emergency’.  (Looks like the people in charge forgot to pay the bill…)



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