jan02 am 'Get This' news

program date: 
Tue, 01/01/2008


01/02/08 Get This

Chris Andreae


  1. Pill Bill:  A state law went into effect the first of the year compelling health insurance plans that cover prescription drugs, to also include contraceptives.  Hurrah!  Now the challenge is to find a pharmacy not overrun with religious extremists who, for “fundamental” reasons, won’t dispense birth control pills.  But wait!  Not so fast, christers…If women keep on squirting ‘em out at the current rate, you’ll be praying for a little space to breath in a few generations.  The earth is becoming morbidly obese with humanity.
  2. The quaint township of Cornelius is thinking about revoking a use permit for a transitional group home for released criminals.    (Though chances are the parolees are less than enthusiastic about living among fear-crazed, heavily armed bigots as well…)
  3. Immigrant rights groups are This Close to delaying the state’s new license laws.
  4. City Commissioner, Eric Sten is resigning ‘mid-stream’, so to speak.  And the magic number is…April 1st.  Mark your calendars and prepare your costumes!
  5. This Won’t Hurt A Bit:  Oregon’s higher minimum wage is no ticket on the gravy train.  It might assuage the sting a little,  but poverty is still povert, and the barrier between the wealthy and the working class grows higher every day, the gulf between the very rich and the very poor grows …and yet, this being America, the people with the least to lose are still too comfortable to participate in a general strike.  As long as the population stays glued to the tube and fattened on ‘food-like substances’, what’s to worry?  Any Day Now, Any Day Now, I Shall Be Pissed Off…
  6. Take a Couple of Deep Breaths and Call Me In The Morning:  Oregon is about to get a big fat dose of Climate Change right up the old shnozz – and it won’t be the pleasantly stimulating kind from Colombia either.  No…What we are facing is a toxic fungus that thrives in the new warmer weather.  It gets into the trees and soil and thence to the air where it infects the lungs and worse still, the central nervous system.  (“This weather is killing me…”)
  7. War Of The Roses:  Activists “disrupted” the Pasadena Rose Parade.  Two things the world ought to have learned years ago from fairy tales and children’s books:  1. Nobody is ever 100% “safe”; being alive isn’t “safe”.  And 2.  “Terror” has been around a lot longer than al-Qaeda – or George Bush, for that matter.  You either learn to live with it or you retreat to magical realism which a deeply weird place to live.
  8. If you are a member of one of America’s many minorities or if you are a member of America’s overwhelming majority, The Poor, you can expect to be treated as a criminal when you go to the doctor because you are in pain.  Yes, sad, but true, a new study finds that the medical establishment believes that you are not a bona fide patient but, in fact, a “drug-seeking” indigent if you belong to either of the above-mentioned burgeoning groups.  (On the other hand, if you are white, obese, addicted to TV and processed foods and are already taking way, way too many prescription drugs, if you have a better than average income and wear clothes from Wal-Mart, then you are indeed in serious pain…And you will be getting Serious Drugs….)
  9. A California town on the Mexican border has hired a photographer to roam its streets taking pictures of kids who walk across The Line in order to attend school.  This is Calexico we’re talking about, where it is debatable whether card-carrying Americans are getting an education worth the coupon it was printed on…
  10. The Penny Drops:  A senior White House official is still struggling to explain to our very wealthy leadership why the imploding housing market is going to eventually swallow everyone, Aspen and all…
  11. In British Columbia, a marketing firm wants consumers to know that most of the “green” bullshit printed on a variety of sordidly carbon-soaked products is exactly what it appears to be, bullshit.
  12. AIPAC and an assortment of pro-Israeli lobbies are set to determine the outcome of the next presidential election.  None of the candidates has the balls to confront the influence of the Israelis in American politics.  (So if you were wondering how the next election would be stolen, now you know.  And the last two times were all in the same domestic sphere, so it might have been legally possible to redress crimes at the polls, voting fraud, computer “malfunctions”.  But this time around it will be beyond US jurisdiction…)
  13. The US Marine accused of leading the Haditha Massacre has plead out on lesser charges of voluntary manslaughter.
  14. Droning Our Sorrows:  The US military is using more drones than ever before – and I don’t mean the kind who sit at desks beating the drums of war.  I’m talking about the infamous Predator and its ilk.  Turns out not all recruits are very good at flying planes and helicopters but pretty much all of them know how to sit on ass and play video games…
  15. The elections in Pakistan are delayed…(Until the Israelis get there?)
  16. An American diplomat was killed in Sudan.  The Americans are crying “Terror!” of course.  After all it is an election year.  And the Sudanese are saying that getting killed in the streets of Khartoum is a perfectly normal thing.  Happens all the time…
  17. Kenya’s elections are turning  into ethnic cleansing.  Kibaki says he won.  Odinga’s supporters say the election was utterly corrupt and since Kenya hasn’t done anything for AIPAC lately, we can rule out Israeli influence – for now.  The death toll so far is reportedly over 250.  But that is the official number and far from the capital, Nairobi all bets are off and tribal warfare is on…
  18. Libya has the UN Security Council presidency.
  19. North Korea missed the deadline for accounting for its nuclear weapons.  (New Years Resolution:  Keep the stupid Yanquis guessing…
  20. Ehud Olmert plans apartheid for Israel and the Palestinians in order to keep any form of just governance at arms length.  Just kidding.  Olmert says he’s going “divide” Jerusalem.  (This means the Palestinians will be getting a couple of manhole covers, a kabob stand and a trash bin;  Israel will be getting the rest…)
  21. In the Nigerian petropolis, Port Harcourt, gunmen have killed 13 people.  Multinational oil companies have wreaked environmental disaster on the Niger Delta and destroyed the local economy, but other than that, business it good.
  22. The number of journalists killed in reporting is up 244 percent.
  23. Saudi Arabia’s most popular blogger was arrested.
  24. In South Africa, the ANC’s newly elected leader, Jacob Zuma, is going to be tried for graft – never mind the corruption, rape and assorted other charges…



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