1017 am 'Get This' news

program date: 
Tue, 10/16/2007

10/17/07 Get This

Chris Andreae

 

  1. No TopOff Tip Off:  Twenty-five million dollars later and we still won’t know what we learned from TopOff-4.  For that matter, we don’t know what we learned from previous TopOffs.  Yesterday’s message seemed to be, “Fire in the hole!  Keep shopping!” Emergency management brass haven’t even shared their ‘Lessons Learned’ with Congress.  (But I guess that’s par for the course:  This administration doesn’t even check in with elected representatives when it goes to war.  And Katrina?  Condoleeza Rice actually was too busy shopping to get her hands dirty…)
  2. State of Fear:  Four men are suing the Portland police for violating their constitutional right to not be beaten up by huge menacing cops for little or no reason.  Frank Waterhouse, Ryan Dunn, Gregory Benton and the deceased James Chasse RIP.  Forget martial law – in this current climate of fear, the administration has achieved martial law conditions without ever whispering that dreaded phrase.
  3. Katz Got Her Gun:  The Medford Mail Tribune – not traditionally known for liberal ideals or investigative reporting – is suing the Jackson County Sheriff in order to get a list of concealed handgun licenses.  The paper thinks that someone should keep tabs on people – like heeled teacher Shirley Katz - who walk among us, trailing clouds of paranoia over Love Gone Bad…
  4. The parents of a Latino boy who was placed in an ESL class  - even though he only speaks English – have filed a federal lawsuit against the Hillsboro School District for fucking with the kid’s head – although that’s not exactly how they worded it – in English. 
  5. ‘Schmidt Smut:  Lars Larson is trying to embarrass the Guv by bringing up Neil Goldschmidt/underage girl dirt at an inconvenient time.  Lars, if that’s the best you can do, it’s time you trade in your slandering, libelous potty mouth and see if you can put a down payment on a used brain.
  6. Fancy This, M&*@#%s:  The Audubon Society and a flock of other conservation groups in the Portland area want the pigeon fanciers who have been killing off raptors to see a little payback.  All they got the first time around was a minimal fine and a year’s probation.
  7. Today is Michael ‘Gitmo’ Mukasey’s Big Day.  Yes, high-profile terror trials aside, the proceedings thus far have been a love-fest.  Democrats are relieved:  “It could have been worse…But not much.”  And Republicans are pleased that Bush has done it again, offering up a True Believer.  Mukasey is just another stealth nominee that the Dems can – after the fact – claim they didn’t see coming.
  8. Telepromterror Alert!:  Bush called a rare press conference today, the first since September 20th.  As is the case with all such swine-fucking media extravaganzas, this will be yet another smirking effort to take down the popular S-CHIP expansion.  Bush is also going to stumble like a drunk in a funhouse, through assorted other topics:  taxes, the budget, spending and ‘No Child Left Behind’.   
  9. Om & Um:  George Bush and the Dalai Lama walk into a bar.  Osama bin Laden is sitting at a corner table with a couple of hookers.  The Dalai Lama says, “He’s all yours.  I’ll take the girls and the two millions dollars…”  
  10. The House of Representatives defied a White House veto threat yesterday and overwhelmingly passed legislation protecting reporters from being jailed for refusing to reveal their sources.  “Ironically, a shield law could have protected White House staffers who spoke to reporters, had it been in place when the Justice department investigated who blew the cover of former CIA analyst Valerie Plame.”  (You call that “ironic”?  I call it covering your ass…)
  11. Nevada has stayed the scheduled execution of a man who has been sitting on Death Row for over thirty years.   (Now that’s “cruel” but not especially “unusual”)
  12. Dicks & Chicks:  The State of California has banned the use of the phrases, ‘Mom and Dad’, ‘husband and wife’, ‘Men’s Room’ and ‘Women’s Room’  (How about ‘Colts and Fillies’, would that be okay?) in schools, in its on-going battle against traditional heterosexual-based curricula. 
  13. Iran and Russia have been talking about a nuclear program deal.  (My advice:  Sign the papers now, ASAP, stat, before Bush lets the Israelis off their chain…)
  14. Turkey, meanwhile gave itself permission to invade Iraq in order to attack the Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK) rebels.  (The only people actually trying to get into Iraq these days are those looking to invade; everyone else is doing their damnedest to get out.)
  15. Case In Point:  “Commanders in Iraq have decided to begin the drawdown of US forces in volatile Dyala province.”  What this means is the place is totally out of control and it’s time to haul balls and retreat.  Osama bin Laden isn’t the only one in the Middle East on ‘Diyalasis’…
  16. Libya got itself a seat on the United Nations Security Council. 
  17. Venezuela and Cuba are still an item this week.
  18. And finally, The Solomon Islands sold 28 dolphins to Dubai.  Why?  Trust me:  You don’t want to know…
  19. and finally – I really mean it this time:  Swedish Lightening:  A package of hashish came hurtling out of the sky, straight onto the head of a prison guard, knocking him out.
  20. Okay, that’s it.

 

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