0724 am 'Get This' news

07/24/07 Get This

Chris Andreae


  1. Marmot Dam is out;  Salmon are in.  For the first time in nearly 100 years salmon and steelhead are going to have access to the Sandy River.  The question remains, Will they want to come back after the beating they have taken from the human race?  Will the salmon ever forgive us?
  2. True Romance:  In Olympia yesterday, gay couples lined up around the block at the secretary of State’s office to register as domestic partners.  The new law confers fewer rights than marriage but more than they had before it went into effect.  (While same gender couples are fighting for the right to be married, hetero couples are getting divorced in record numbers…What does it all mean?  Gays are more willing to do the hard relationship work?  Heteros are partnering up with members of the same gender?  Is gender – like fingerprints – unique to each individual? )
  3. The Minutemen’s Fifteen of Fame are almost up.  Virtually every state in the nation was infected with this ‘social disease’ just a couple of years ago.  But the movement is waning, disintegrating into smaller groups with equally grandiose, fascistic names…’Patriot’s Border Alliance’? 
  4. Flat-lining:  Ron Wyden can’t understand why no one in the White House or the Treasury Department wants to talk to him about his ‘flat tax’ ideas.  Wyden doesn’t even have Senate co-sponsors for his ‘Fair Flat Tax Act.’  (Ron, pay attention:  Americans want an end to the agony in Iraq and maybe a little environmental responsibility on the side.  
  5. ‘Are You Going To Eat That?’:  The Bush administration plans to eliminate a provision of the federal food stamp rules that would cause 41 thousand Oregonians to lose food stamp benefits.  And just when the State was finally climbing out of its hunger hole. 
  6. Sherwood police chief Bill Middleton – an Army reservist - came home from Iraq to find that he was reporting to a newly-installed ‘Public Safety Director.’   There are actually federal laws that are supposed to protect people like Middleton, but apparently the Rot at the Top of the Justice Department is trickling down…all the way to Sherwood.
  7. Somewhere out in the Willamette Valley – Green Peter Reservoir, actually – things are stirring in the depths.  Campers have been alarmed by sudden debris-infested eruptions in the water – not to mention the ‘black holes’ appearing on the surface of the lake.  The Army Corps of Engineers tells visitors that the water isn’t dangerous, it means them no harm.  But this is a “reservoir”, right?  Isn’t that supposed to mean we can drink the stuff?  What about all this “debris”?
  8. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says he won’t leave until he has “fixed” the Justice Department.  (How much more Gonzales-style “fixing” the D of J can take is anybody’s guess.).  He’s going to be questioned again today by the Judiciary Committee.  Last time that happened, Dirty Al answered, “I don’t recall” over 70 times.  Some say it was over 100, but who’s counting…
  9. Halliburton’s income more than doubled recently.  (Ammo manufacturers, on the other hand, are starting to sweat – what else? - bullets, what with all this ‘End the War’ talk floating around.
  10. Wall Street money is taking a left turn.
  11. Cindy Sheehan is going to run against Nancy Pelosi.
  12. Anybody want too buy a formaldehyde-soaked trailer?  FEMA’s got ‘em and you can have one.  The EPA doesn’t like it much, but hell, who’s EPA is it anyway…
  13. Hail Hillary Pass:  Hillary Clinton - desperate to keep Americans from looking too closely at her voting record – has found her way to Yucca Mountain.  Clinton is calling for Congressional hearings on the proposed repository for the nation’s nuclear waste.  Yes, desperate Democrats can always count on the equally desperate environmental crises to cough one up (Rather like Green Peter Reservoir, y’know).    
  14. Acid Dreams:  The tattered remains of the Justice Department announced a settlement with the Du Pont company.  $66 million up front and the chemical giant has to cut 13 thousand tons of emissions from its sulfuric acid production plants in Louisiana, Virginia, Ohio and Kentucky. 
  15. Earthjustice is suing to block the public-financing of a coal-fired power plant in Montana.  The plant is the brainchild of the USDA.  Wha?  Agriculture?  How’s that work?:  It’s the Rural Utilities Service and it gave the old regulatory green light to the project around the same time that the Montana DEQ issued water and air quality permits for the plant.  (See what happens when you blink…)
  16. Forty-five intrepid head cases spend the weekend in the mountains of Utah hunting for the Sasquatch.  Note to Sasquatch:  Run…Just run.  Maybe when Cheney pops his clogs you can move into his Undisclosed Location.  But until then, Run!   (Next thrill-seekers can visit the Green Peter Reservoir and hunt the Loch Ness monster.  America!  We’ve got something for everybody…)
  17. Today in Baghdad diplomats from Iran and Iraq sat down for talks with clowns from the United States.  (We had to send in the clowns because we are fresh out of diplomacy…)
  18. Meanwhile ambassador Ryan Cocker and General David Petraeus have cooked up a parallel universe in which US troops will be in Iraq until 2009, at least a year after the Bush administration has scuttled the 2008 election.  After 2009, they’ll have to come back to quell the civil unrest which – with any luck – will be consuming the nation.  (Stock market tip:  Buy Corrections Corporation of America.  The company has seen its share price increase by 11 percent during the past four weeks and it recently reached a new 52-week high.  CXW recently announced first-quarter earnings of 52 cents per share. The result topped the consensus estimate by 13% and exceeded the year-ago total. CXW’s total revenue for the first quarter increased 11.5% to $350.9 million from the previous year’s $314.6 million.)
  19. The Pakistani Army is doing deadly battle against “militants” in the far north of the country near the Afghani border.  (This business of a nation’s military being sicced on citizens used to be called ‘civil war’.   Ah the Good Old Days…)
  20. Turkey hopes it can make peace with the Kurds (By making them fight the Iraqis for territory?  Yeah, right.)
  21. In Oaxaca, the Guelaguetza Folk Festival protests are taking a distinctly violent turn, thanks to the brutal police force wielded by the vicious governor of the state.
  22. Massive flooding in Britain, Texas and China.




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