0710 am 'Get This' news

07/10/07 Get This

Chris Andreae


  1. An evangelical Christian family got a $25 thousand dollar cheque the other day – and it was not handed down by God Himself.  No, this manna came from the State of Oregon as part of a settlement over a State trooper’s heavy-handed response to the family’s anti-war protest.  High points in the dispute:  Family displays anti-war banner.  Trooper tells them they are breaking the law.  Dad asks, ‘What law?’  Trooper:  (And this is the money shot) “When a trooper tells you ‘You are breaking the law,’ that is all you need to know.”
  2. Brown-Out/Brown-In:  Former Senate Majority Leader, Kate Brown is officially running for Secretary of State.  It’s a great job because he – or she – who controls the voting process, conducts the band.   And as elections become ever more meaningless and corrupted, it’s good to know someone moderately trustworthy  is minding the store.
  3. Brother Can You Spare Me a Crime:  After the State passed laws restricting the ten ton interest rates payday lenders charged their desperate misguided customers, said lenders are leaving Oregon in droves.  Clutching soggy tissues they tearfully claim that they can no longer make an honest living in the Beaver State.  Good luck in Nevada, you fucking carnivorous pig-bats…
  4. It’s that time of year again…An intrepid band  of Portlanders hand over the keys to their cars and go gasless for one month.  The city gives them bus tickets, train tickets and bike shop coupons, but still before the month is up, at least a few of these brave souls will sneak out and buy a Prius…
  5. Freightliner machinists accepted the phatic offerings handed down by management.  What else could they do?  (And now the payday lenders are fleeing like the proverbial pig-bats from the proverbial Titanic…)
  6. The Oregon Court of Appeals has rejected challenges by two employee unions that the State engaged in unlawful labor practices while negotiating their contracts four years ago.  These are contracts for corrections officers and state troopers, so they should know.  What happened was – so the claim goes – that managers didn’t offer them a better deal.  Welcome to the Brave New Labor Market, suckers…
  7. ‘Honey, We’re Out of Nerve Gas’:  So now the Umatilla Chemical Depot is moving on to some other hideous poison known as VX with no trace whatsoever of irony regarding the fact the US refused to sign a global treaty banning the manufacture of chemical weapons.  (We’re going to need something temptingly deadly with which to woo Iraq’s next US-installed strongman….)
  8. In Seattle, boatyard owners, environmentalists and fish are making beautiful waves together thanks to an understanding that the copper used to protect marine hulls from marine life is on the way out.  Chemistry is a beautiful thing…
  9. ‘Ground Control to Major Kent’:  Gas station owner Kent Couch of Bend, Oregon, took his lawn chair up to 13 thousand feet and about 200 miles east.  Couch said he was going to Idaho, balloons, snacks, water, GPS, camcorder, ballast and all…
  10. Banner Up!   Bay Area Activists raised enough money to rent a small plane to fly over AT&T Park during the All-Star baseball game today.  ‘Impeach Bush and Cheney’ is the message, not ‘Drug Test Barry Bonds’ as one might have first thought….
  11. Dennis Kucinich also says, ‘Impeach Bush & Cheney’ minus the plane and banner but with equal moral force and urgency.
  12. Executive Privilege Unbound:  Once again, president Bush has shat upon truth, justice and the American Way – particularly justice.  Neither Harriet Miers nor Sara Taylor will have to testify before Congress, publicly and on the record.  White House Counsel, Fred Fielding offered to make the ladies available to John Conyers and Patrick Leahy for “informal, off-the-record” talks with lawmakers (With Bush picking up the dry-cleaning bill, I should hope.  I mean it’s the least he could do…)
  13. The White House said today in one of its increasingly heuristic rumblings, that the new report on the lack of progress in Iraq is “only one way of looking at the situation.”  (And other ways would include what, ferinstance?  Maybe through the bottom of a fifth of Maker’s?  Through the bars of the ‘Paris’ Hilton (New name for high-end prison…Like it?)?  Through the crosshairs of Dick Cheney’s shotgun?
  14. These wars are costing us $12 billion dollars a month.
  15. Karl Rove says he has nothing to apologize for when it comes to these $12 billion dollars of ours.  He’s just glad the money ended up in the private sector where it belongs…
  16.  Blow Me:  The director of the National Hurricane Center went “on leave” yesterday in the sense the Richard Nixon “stepped out of the room.”  Apparently most of his fellow storm-riders wanted him out.  And all because Bill Proenza had had the gall to make unkind remarks about the aging hurricane-tracking satellite.
  17. Yesterday, word was that half the country is on fire.  Well, here’s today’s update:  Make that more than half.
  18. Smoking wards off Parkinson’s disease.
  19. Pakistani troops have finally had it up the eyeballs with this militant shit that has been going on for days now at Islambad’s Lal Masjid (Or ‘Red Mosque’ to you non-believing kaffirs out there in Sinnerland).  They blew a hole in the wall yesterday and it turns out the most militant Muslim fundamentalists inside are women and they want to go down fighting.  There’s a fine ‘howdyadoo.’
  20. The US is “urging Turkey to stay out of Iraq”…Unless the Turks want to join up and help us fight for the right to exploit Iraq’s vast oil reserves on behalf of multinational petroleum monoliths like Shell, BP and ExxonMobile…In that case, Come On In, the Fighting’s Grand!
  21. Here’s yet another ‘new report’ that reads pretty much the same as the old ones:  The world wants to use more oil faster than ever.  (Just keep your eye on the feces and the fan when China gets its oil exploration on…)
  22.  Speaking of which, the US has racked-up the worst trade deficit ever with the Asian Tiger.  (Hurrah!  We can all get jobs pumping gas at Chinese stations instead of joining the military and marching off to die in some ruined landscape, which we can neither pronounce nor find on a map  (That’s what we have MapQuest for!)
  23. FARC leader Ricardo Palmera has been convicted by a US jury – Okay, stop laughing – of plotting to hold three Americans hostage after they were captured in Colombia.
  24. And a little farther south, Argentineans are experiencing temperature ‘not found in nature’.  On the minus side of Fahrenheit.  Same goes for Chile and Bolivia:  Record cold temperatures all across South America..
  25. Canada is militarizing the arctic in preparation for the expected neighborly US visit to the recently defrosted northern oil fields….
  26. And finally, in Australia, a Catholic – not to be in any way confused with catholic – school failed to keep a boy named ‘Hell’ from enrolling.  The family changed its mind about sending their son to the school, but we can still safely say it’s another goal scored by the Dark Side…


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