US Drone Wars: The Constitutional and Counterterrorism Implications of Targeted Killing
Submitted to the Senate Committee on the Judiciary, Subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights and Human Rights
Testimony Prepared by: Robert S. McCaw.
Robert McCaw, Farea al-Muslimi and Noam Chomsky walk up to the Gates of Heaven. Saint Peter looks up from the gem-studded, jewel-encrusted, gilded tome witch conceals the latest edition of Hustler rather in the same manner that a Kardashian conceals not much.
SP: Do you have a reservation?
Chomsky: Do we look like Indians?
SP: Hm. Depends…Hey, if this is a trick question designed to entrap me for racial profiling…
Al-Muslimi: No entrapment required.
SP slams the book shut, sighs, lights a cigarette and speaks into a small cloud hovering above and to the left of his desk: Gwen? Listen, hold my calls and shit for, oh, I guess 30 , 45 minutes? Make it an hour. I’ll need to decompensate…
(SP listens)
Uh, yoga. Keeps my Shaktis aligned…What?…..Of course I know what a ‘Shakti’ is..Right;; and Jesus invented yoga like Al Gore invented the Internet…
Al-Muslimi: That’s good!
Chomsky: Wish I’d said it.
McCaw: Or Edward Said – peace be upon him - wrote the Koran…or
Saint Peter: (Leaps to his feet, upending desk, book, cloud. Magazine falls out.
McCaw: or Obama wrote ‘Who Wrote the Book of Love’
Al-Muslimi: Wish I’d said that…
Saint Peter: Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. For Christ’s sake, this is it the Big H…
Chomsky: Heroin?
SP: (Shakes head. The question is too stupid to deflect) not a Three Stooges Special. God, why do parents let their kids watch that shit anyway. A whole lost generation…several.
(Gigantic, thunderous voice off-stage: Because either it’s a single family househoid or else both parents work, or the kids are teenagers experimenting with amphetamines. Anything else?)
- KBOO